In honor of my last full day of co-op...

I present the two most offensive jokes I've heard since I started working here:

1. Q: "Which two fingers pleasure women the most?"
A: "These ones, 'cause they're MINE!"

2. Q: "What food cuts a woman's sex drive at least in half?"
A: "Wedding Cake"

"They're like big, white rats... made of rubber"

This morning at work there was a possum behind the watercooler. It was unceremoniously beheaded with a shovel.

I always assumed that possums were kind of like mice or rats, you know, fairly harmless. So when the possum was discovered, and people were trying to figure out who would kill it, I asked: "Where's the cat?"
Apparently, our cat is no match for a possum, even a baby possum. (See title)
Apparently, a possum can chew through a tire. Is that how they end up as roadkill so often... looking for tires to chew?

ANYWAYS ...
Like I said, it was only a baby possum, which means there are more possums lurking about somewhere.... DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMM

I hate Access, I hate it so good.

Currently I'm working on a vb6 project that is meant to insert the same sets of data into a database in access database and one in pervasive. Now, I was anticipating all sorts of trouble with the pervasive side of things (mainly because I've never used pervasive) but that worked beautifully. The code to insert the data into the access table, on the other hand, is ruthlessly being rejected due to a "Syntax Error". Oddly, if I type the EXACT SAME QUERY into the access query sql view, it works like a charm. Literally, once the query fails the string is outputted to a text box on the form, and then I copy and paste it over, and bam.

I've combed over 12 pages of google search results and gotten NOTHING. Nothing but morons who put vb variable names into their query instead of concatenating them and people with single quotes all over their data. You know, REAL syntax errors instead of imaginary ones.

This was one of my personal favourite:

Hi, im fairly new to asp and would like to write information to an access database.

I have tried websites that have scripts but the ones i have saw are fairly complicated.

All i have is a form for the user to input information and then i want it to write to a pasific table in microsoft access.

If anyone can share or tell me how to do this it would be very much appricated.

Many Thanks
Marc

I'm going to go stab myself in the eye with a pen now. Good day.

Stupid Apples.

I hate vb6.

VB6 and I were highschool sweethearts, but that was before I got up close and personal with it's younger, more flexible cousin (c#.net).

Documentation for vb6 especially is a pain in the ass. I searched for visual basic <> operator at msdn online's VB resource center and returned a slew of pages on c#. There was a link at the top of the page to narrow down the searches, so I clicked visual basic, and when the page had finally loaded over the 28.8kbps dialup connection we have at work, it was ALL c# pages.

It was like walking into a library and saying hi, I'd like to know about apple seeds. The librarian says, well we have lots of books about fruit. And you say that you really want to know about apples, and the librarian's like, well we have all of these books (mostly on oranges) that have information about fruit, what kind of fruit would you like to know about? And you say apples, and the librarian painstakingly digs out every book there is on oranges and hands them all to you in a stack 8,764 or so high.

And then you're like fuck that, I'll just look myself. And then you dig through piles of crap (Apples at the Movies? Wtf?) trying to find the specific piece of information on apple seeds that you need to make your project work, all the while seeing tonnes of advertisements for oranges, and thinking damn, oranges are tasty, I wish I had some right now.

Eventually you discover that when you're dealing with apple seeds, the <> , as you suspected, simply means not equal to. Why couldn't they use a freaking != like oranges and all the other cool fruits?

(See title)

Ugh.